Four years ago, in an ill-advised but perhaps not unfortunate turn of events, the UNCG College Republicans decided that something had to be done against the blatantly liberating antics of the college GBQLT alliance’s Pride Day on campus. In order to show their continued support for all things “moral,” including the War in Iraq and meat eating, they decided to take matters into their own hands and support the dangerously threatened Moral Values of the Empire. They did not reckon on the defenders of Freedom, those drummers of Fear into the Hearts of Tyrants, CAKALAK THUNDER!
Last Friday, the undefeated Cakalak Thunder challenged the UNCG College Republicans to a public beat battle at the final event of their Morals Week festivities, the People for the Eating of Tasty Animals (P.E.T.A.) barbecue. Cakalak considerately complimented their attempts to employ “activisty” tactics, but pointed out that true activists have a beat to make their own.
The day of battle was warm, the internet already aflutter with the hushed whispers of the masses. “hippies and republicans to battle” “Who could make this up?” “boom boom beem bu bu bu beem” Shortly after a mass of police had shut down the food not bombs table, an annoucement came over the loudspeaker that Cakalak Thunder was making an entrance. The announcer was threatened with arrest and told to stop any shenanigans (“but no one’s in charge of the Thunder, sir”)
As if on cue, CT’s drumline could be heard rumbling over the hill. The police attempted to block the advance, but they were deftly parried by a quick circle up by CT. Cakalak broke the huddle to send an unexpected curveball at the Men in Black by choosing to stay and drum. The cops kept looking for the quarterback for the rush but they just couldn’t find Him, so they gave up and arrested Tim Hopkins. in the 15th minute, Cakalak made a breakaway for a downfield round-and-back past disapproving College Republicans. Dancing an merriment ensued. The refs just couldn’t seem to get a handle on the rules, but the large crowd knew better. Later Thunder circled up around the car intended for Tim, but the fuzz pulled an about face and stuffed him in another car. Coaches for the popo tried to pull things together but seemed to have lost all control of the players on the field.
Soon the battle was over and the victors were clear. A megaphone was passed around to folks in the crowd as they each shared their own thoughts about what they had witnessed. The police looked on.
Evan Welkin
Apr 3, 2007
